"You only know you love her when you let her go "

- Passenger.

I'm jumping in with two feet with this change thing. This weekend, I'm doing 2 (it's 3 really, but I don't want to show off) both are pretty massive and drastic things. I thought it through for a while, one - subconsciously for years, the other consciously and subconsciously for about 10 months. If you got the impression from my first post that these are snap decisions, then think again - this is my life after all. 

As this is a commuter's post, I know I'm only going to have enough time to talk through one change, so I'll start with that. This has been a long time coming. As a black girl, a standing headache, since I was old enough to care really has been hair. I love my hair - I really and truly believe that you have so many options with black African hair. Even I, in my timid ways, have tried out a few. Since I was a child, whenever I could get them, I pretty much always got long braids - (twists or plats - I don't discriminate) and I love them. I have the length, and durability that I like without too much maintenance hassle. Yes, it usually takes about 18 hours to do what I want - these braids are always down to my lower back and fairly thin - and washing and drying them is never easy, but I like them. I think I'm also used to seeing my face framed in braids. 

I've also dabbled in weaves but that is not an affair that blossomed. I don't have the patience to look after it properly so at the end of week 2, it starts to look ratty. I faired better with hair pieces (full cover wigs) and this was probably because I often chose to buy two fairly cheap but identical wigs each time - and treated them like how you should treat shoes. I'd wear one today for example, then wear the other tomorrow. It gives the hair pieces time to recover and dry (sweat...) but also means my hair looks nice for longer.

The hair situation has been tough because I've had to teach myself How as I go along. My family weren't really that into their hair. My mum always looks good but she has a lady who does it for her so its easier. As such, my hair has only had the very basics which I have known about because of that time I got it done,

No longer. 

I decided this week that I'm going to give having my hair out a shot for at least 3 months. I'm going to try and keep it fairly natural as well. What has brought this on? A few things really.

• I've just started a new job where I don't know ANYONE which to me, means perfect opportunity to try something new. They don't know how I am supposed to look lol! 
• Said job is in the same town that I live in. Big news! You'd think not, but since leaving university 4 years ago, the 3 jobs I've had have all been an hours commute away. This does very little to encourage complex or even slightly advanced morning hair regimes. If I'm starting work at 8, and it takes an hour to get there, I have to wake up at 6- knowing I have the benefit of a spritz of moisturiser and tying back my braids. Being closer to home means I can still be up at six but have time to do hair (and possibly eat breakfast at home! That's another post)
•  one of my favouritest people in the whole entire world has inspired me to at least try. She is 6 months into a healthy hair program that she has tailored to her own needs and has seen amazing results already. Her blog about it is http://curlyeva.blogspot.co.uk/ 
• my husband said he'd like to see me with natural hair, Although it won't be natural straight away, it will be a taster
• the thing that pushed me is that Change number two will require a LOT of helmet wearing which will be super cozy and mean sweat and that will NOT be a sexy smell. It's not easy to do with braids because the extensions hold on to smells. It will be much the same issue with weaves. So my hair has to come out and play. 

I'm going natural 

"I didn't know I was lost"

- Aloe Blacc

Every so often everyone finds something that they want to change about themselves, it's like the change of seasons: a new season, new style, new colours, new moods, and different things work better. As a girl in her mid 20s, even though I don't really like it, I'm all about change at the moment. It's difficult not to be. I hesitate to use phrases like " finding myself" because it seems like that is a conscious decision to do that... I'm not. I have a pretty decent idea of who I am, even when I think I don't. I have no "finding" to do. I'm pretty much there.

My changes, are more like sorting out the decor, rather than buying a new place. I'm more concerned with adjusting what I can to fit my vision than writing-off what I have to start with. It is not a simple process because sometimes, you find that a pillar in the middle of the room that you always thought was essential needs to be knocked down.

But it's alright. It's a different kind of rewarding when you think (or know) you will like or excel at something new, and you do - not because of luck or practice or having a natural knack, but just because it sits well with you. The lessons I have learnt so far when things don't work, are just as fulfilling. These are the reasons why I am starting this blog, and why I hope to keep at it. I kept a (lockable, hide in a secret place in my room type of) diary as a pre- teen, and wrote an online journal  in my late teens. I wish I had been more consistent and kept at it - I would have a few years of documented history - showing the highs and Lows and changes I've made. I want to have that now.

And I'm doing a few things that are a big deal for me, that I want to remember. I'm touching up my decor, looking at it, getting rid of what I want to and keeping what I like. This will continue, no doubt, with or without this blog. Ultimately, I want to be not just the best version of me, but I want to be the me I like - and rule.